Anyway, I didn’t expect them to go this route for the sequel but I suppose it’s an interesting turn to take.  The main dude is a parking lot attendant who sits in his patrol station watching Human Centipede all day, eryday.  Ya feel meh?!  This dude is a real piece of work, let me tell you.

First off he has a Human Centipede scrapbook that he treasures like one would a first born child.  He jacks off to Human Centipede while at work, and with a piece of high grit sand paper between his hands and dicky.  He has a pet centipede, probably not too surprising considering what I’ve already mentioned.  He looks older than 35 and still living at home, total boner kill for the ladies I’m sure.  He never speaks one word the whole entire movie either!  And sometimes when watching Human Centipede he gets so damn excited that he just shits himself.  He’s probably a virgin too but that’s ok, I can respect people who are waiting for marriage.

I suppose he hasn’t had the easiest life and his behavior is a result of that.  His dad used to sexually abuse him, his mother is an annoying cunt and his doctor wants to fuck him really, really badly.  At one point the doctor is getting a blowjob in the back seat of a friends car.  The friend asks him if he’s enjoying himself and the doctor says “I rather fuck that retarded boy but this’ll do”.  That got a real chuckle outta me.

I guess it makes sense that he would really wanna crush the competition and go for a twelve person centipede.  This guy failed at everything else possible but maybe just maybe he can make the worlds longest human centipede and shut out the competitors!  Cuz, you know, who isn’t trying to surgically connect people ass to mouth these days?

I kinda was hoping this would be it but no, there is yet another Human Centipede film in the works.  The only thing going for these films is that they continuously make the ass to mouth chain longer and longer.  I have to admit I would be curious to see a Human Centipede film where people are connected ass to mouth in a chain around the world.  It’s either that or having a carefully chosen celebrity as the next lead role surgeon…maybe 50 cent or David Hasselhoff or Larry David or even Rosie O’ Donnel, she seems like a real evil ass bitch at the core.

Anyway, if ass to mouth is yo thing, if you can relate to jackin off with sand paper or you’re just a plain old sick fuck, then this film’s for you!  It’s on netflix so you can enjoy it from the comfort of your own home or workplace!  Enjoy!

Hunger Games stars this girl I never saw before in my entire life.  There is a bunch of other people I never saw before in this movie but they all acted quite well in it and I think you’d agree.  Ironically the two fuckos I do recognize were Woody Harrelson and Lenny Kravitz.  Yea, I’m not joking.  I remember seeing Woody Harrelson and I was like, “Why is this guy in this movie?  I thought this guy was a tool.”  Then enters Lenny Kravitz and I’m all like “Hey, this guy is a complete arse as well.  What gives?”

I don’t know why people making a serious movie would have somebody like Lenny Kravitz in it.  You don’t wanna do anything to take the viewer out of the experience. Having Lenny Kravitz in your serious film is like having a clown or court jester come to your loved ones funeral.  It just doesn’t seem to make sense and has no place at all.

Everyone is talking about how this movie is just like Battle Royale.  Well, yea it is.  Its exactly the same but really who gives two flying fucks anyway.  Think about how many movies out there tell the same damn story.  You ever see a romantic comedy?  How bout a movie where there’s a person trying to kill young hot women with a knife or other sharp pointy object of his or her preference?  I bet the same people slapping their gums about how this movie is just like Battle Royale are the same people who watched every Saw movie.  I think you get my point.

If you are unfamiliar with Battle Royale or Hunger Games, the premise is quite simple.  Young men and women are chosen to fight to the death against each other until there is one left standing.  In this film, a young woman named Katniss volunteers herself over her younger sister who was originally chosen.  It’s an honest and caring move by Katniss because both her and the audience know that her younger sister is nothing but an insolent fool that is very stupid and has little to no self confidence.   At one point she says to Katniss “I wish I looked like you”  Wow, what a weak thing to say, stupid bitch.  There’s no way in hell that she would have survived even one second in the hunger games but her older sister…well, that chick bad!  Katniss is really smart, she’s good with a bow and arrow, she’s good under pressure, she climbs trees with ease, she is caring and just seems like a really great friend!  You go, girl!

Hunger Games takes place in a world that is controlled by the people running the games.  There’s this big huge digital sphere that covers the land where the games take place or maybe the whole dang thang is a digital map, I don’t really know.  Either way, these sick fucks can change the day to night, add some beastly animals to the map, create fires through the use of massive fireballs and whatever other demented sick sadistic shit they think up.  They make sure to keep the games interesting and keep the constants lives miserable!  Essentially Hunger Games is just like any other reality TV show except people are really dying, so it’s a whole lot better!

If you dig young adults, teens, tweens, and preteens fighting each other to the death then I really can’t think of any other movie better than this.  Well, there’s also that other movie, Battle Royale…but whatever.  Slunk on out to your local theater and enjoy the carnage!

Chronicle is presented in the now popular “found footage” style.  You know, like Cloverfield, Quarantine, and The Last Exorcism.  I have to admit that it definitely helps give a cool twist on the superhero genre.  Instead of epic shots of the kids discovering their powers, we get to see what its like from their perspective.  One moment really stands out for me and it’s when the kids first learn to fly.  When they finally get it down and soar around in the clouds its actually kinda breathtaking.

Naturally some bad shit has to happen, cause what kinda movie would be three dudes lovingly flying through the clouds and pranking people by moving their parked cars to different spots the whole time.  Young Andrew is a bit of an outcast at school and his homelife aint too rad either.  His mom is deathly ill and daddy likes to suck back on grandpa’s old cough medicine day and night.  So when he isn’t getting beaten by his drunken dad or getting beat up by some bullies at school, he’s usually home bored and alone.  Well that is until him, his cousin Matt and their friend Steve jump into a deep whole in the ground and find a glowing rock that looks highly radioactive and they of course touch it.  BOOOM!  SUPERPOWER TIME!

It’s all fun and games until Andrew mind fucks this tailgating truck into a ditch.  Everything goes south of heaven after that, Andrew starts maliciously using his powers against people.  You know, shit like pulling a dudes teeth out, throwing drunko daddy against a wall and just flat out killing innocent people left and right.  I won’t ruin what happens but I’ll just say a huge bag of feces hits the fan and it gets ugly.  If you dig superpowers, glowing rocks, nosebleeds or just like to see people die then this one’s for you.  Fly on over to your local theater (of just drive cuz your just a pathetic human) and check it out for yourself!

She’s a fresh young adult film star, fetish model and artist from southern Cali.  She’s not your average alt porn girl though, she’s bright, engaging and genuinely seems to love what she does, which shines through in her work.  Another striking feature about this dazzling diva is how much she seems to love her fans, she regularly interacts with them on her blogs and twitter feed.  We happen to live on opposite sides of the country, but we do get the chance to chat pretty regularly so I thought she’d be a perfect first interview for ONLY ONES!

Bella Vendetta: So you’ve launched your official website (RubyViolence.com) not too long ago. When was the official launch and did you have a big party to celebrate?

Ruby Violence: Yes I launched my official website last January, so it would be a year now. I was so excited that I finally had a proper venue to show off all my work in the way I wanted it. I wish I had a big party for the launch but I made my own fun instead.

BV: You’ve been modeling for quite some time before your own site.  Can you tell us how and when you got into being naked on the internet and some of the other sites we can find you on?

RV: Well I went to art college where I drew naked people all the time so nudity wasn’t that big of a deal for me. Then I saw one the Vivid Alt films, Art School Sluts, and was immediately hooked. Not just because of the sex but how the girls looked and their style and didn’t look like “typical” porn stars. I then contacted a guy in the business who put me in touch with an agency in the valley. I was living in San Francisco at the time so I flew in to get my agency photos done. It just so happened that they needed an extra girl for a film down the street so I actually did my first adult film when I only planned on taking photos. I’m not with an agency now but it was a fun experience. From then on I started applying for alternative and fetish sites. I wanted to be part of that genre where you can make money and do erotica without having to look like a Barbie Doll.

Some sites you can find me on besides my official site include Bellavendetta.com, Fixemagazine.com, chsregime.com, Vampyrotic.com, Blueblood.com, Pornsaints.com, AlmostEvilgirls.com, Devilgirlsxxx.com, Eroticbpm.com, inkedangels.com, and more. Hopefully soon to be an official Burning Angel as well.

BV: In addition to websites you also appear in a number of hardcore adult DVDs.  Can you tell us about some of them and is shooting video for DVDs a lot different than shooting content for your site?

RV: I like making DVDs and my own content, I’m now working in a more erotica, fetish genre, instead of just pure hardcore. I like the variety. DVDs are great because you have your base and people get to know you well by your work. I like doing work on my own because I have more creative freedom and call the shots.

BV: Do you have a favorite performer you love working with?

RV:  One thing I like about not having an agency is that I can choose who I work with and even know that person before working with them. Some of my favorite models to work with include Jasmine Blue, Julia X, Lily Cade, AlySinclair, Deborahannxxx and of course Bella Vendetta.

BV:  Favorite photographer to work with?

RV:  Favorite photographers include, Mich Masoch, The Jimi King, and Jazz Wilson.  They are definitely a nice handful of models and photographers to work with, such as Bellavendetta, doing video content.

BV:  Any models or performers that you’re looking forward to one day working with?

RV:  Also would love to work with Joanna Angel, Bob Coulter, Chopper Dave, Miss Crash, Jane Jett, James Deen, The Original Tommy Gunn, Elizabeth Starr, and Jade Starr just to name a few.

BV: Is your sex life off camera anything like your online sex life?

RV:  My sex life is different off camera because it’s not work or a job. It’s someone who I am truly in love with. There is so much passion between us

BV:  In addition to your sexy pictures website you also have a site that is reviews of horror movies?  How do you choose which movies to review?

RV:  Well I have always loved horror films. I actually did my first mainstream horror film this past summer and it was so much fun. I wanted to create a blog where I could share my passion and love for the genre and have it open for people who love horror to share their thoughts also. When I choose a movie or book review, it’s usually something new that I had just watched or read so I can give a fresh review on the subject.  Sometimes when I’m reviewing something, I just go with my first thoughts about a film and write them out. I also like mixing up the different categories of horror, such as Japanese horror, Grindhouse films, European horror, etc. It just depends. I especially enjoy reviewing new up and coming writers and filmmakers as well.

BV:  You’re kind of a Jill of all trades, you also have photography and multimedia art pieces for sale on your site.  How do you find time to work on your art and what are your inspirations?

RV:   I love being an artist and love to translate my passion in any medium. There isn’t one certain thing that inspires me but I usually create from personal experiences. I am an artist, a photographer, writer, erotic performer, and designer so I definitely love expressing myself in more ways than one.

BV:  On your site, you take fans requests for photo sets etc.  Are there any that are so weird you turn them down?

RV:  I am always open to fan requests but, in the end, I make the final decision. If I don’t want to do something that I don’t feel comfortable with I have no problem turning someone down.

BV:  Anything you wanna share with us about yourself that we can’t find on the web?

RV:  The last thing I want to add is to of course check out and become a member of  my website, www.rubyviolence.com.  Also I would love to thank all my supporters, fans, and old and new friends for their support.

BV:  And lastly: when are you going to fly to the east coast to have sex with me?

RV:  Hehe anytime you are ready, I will pack my bags and come out to play and fuck you, sexy! Just let me know when!

Bella Vendetta, is an international fetish model, burlesque dancer, Pro Domme, award winning adult film star, and webmistress.  Aside from doing dirty things on film, she also conducts interviews with tattoo artists, black metal bands and porn stars.  You can learn more about her by visiting her site: BellaVendetta.com.

Alright, alright.  You can watch the rest of his videos on his YouTube channel, there’s over 80 of them.  But how long you think till he runs out of weird foods to eat and moves on to trying hard drugs and telling us about it?  Or maybe he’ll just eat his parents.  Whatever.

I really don’t know where I should start with Adam Sandler’s latest movie.  I guess I can start by saying it’s a heaping steaming pile of cow dung but that doesn’t really help you to understand why it’s so fucking horrible.  I suppose Sandler’s films were never really known for having much of an educated humor but this one is something else.  This one is just painful.  The whole time I just kept wondering how pathetic it all must have seemed on set.  I imagined crew members whispering to each other about how this film would be the end of Adam Sandler.

The whole movie is just filled with random nonsense.  There’s just an endless barrage of jokes that seem to come out of nowhere and are not funny at all.  At one point I just wanted to shake my fist at the screen and yell “BE MORE FUNNY!”

Sandler’s character has an adopted child that is obsessed with taping things to his body, very often live animals even.  Huh?!  Why!?  I think Sandler must have been stoned while writing this one.  Or what about the secret gibberish language he speaks and understands only with his twin sister?  Or how about the completely racist jokes that spew from Sandler’s hispanic gardener?  It’s all random and it all fuckin sucks!  And no, its not the bad that’s so bad its funny, like MacGruber for example.  It’s the so bad that it’s just really fucking bad, man!

Maybe this is Adam Sandlers way of saying his audience is a bunch of complete dumbasses?  Maybe Sandler purposely made this movie a complete piece of shit just to test us.  I guess we passed the test though cause I don’t know anyone that has said anything good about this garbage film!

Also, I don’t know how the hell Sandler got Al Pacino in this movie.  What serious actor would read this script, involving Adam Sandler playing both the twin brother and sister, riddled with horrible shit jokes, and say “You know what, I do wanna do this movie!  It sounds great!”

In the movie, Sandlers character is trying to get Pacino to do this embarrassing commercial for Dunkin Donuts.  What’s kinda funny is that they make Pacino seem like he cares so much about the roles he plays and how he would never do the Dunkin Donuts commercial.  Then Pacino ends up doing the DD ad while starring in this horribly bad Sandler movie.  They are breaking down some sort of fourth wall of embarrassment here.  They’re not only embarrassing Pacino in the film but the very film itself is the biggest embarrassment.

You know what, maybe I’m being too harsh here.  Pacino and Sandler might have done something genius. Maybe they made a film in which they are joking about themselves, or rather how we perceive them.  Pacino, the serious actor (pronounced “ACT OR”) is making fun of himself and maybe Sandler, the wacky nonsensical one note actor, has dumbed himself down to the lowest point.  Maybe this film is Pacino and Sandler’s commentary on how the world views them and they just play into it.   This could be their joke on us!

Nah, this movie just sucks.  It’s just shit, it’s a landfill of shit.  Don’t watch it, your eyeballs may turn back in your head as a defense mechanism just to try and get away from the sheer horror.  You don’t believe me?!  Fine, go ahead and watch it!  But don’t come crying back to me when your eyeballs are looking back at your big dumb brain!  Ya freakin idiot!

So Breaking Dawn Part 1 starts off with Edward and Bella getting married.  Snore fest!!!  Woopty fuckin doo!  Nah but seriously yo, it was kinda cute though.  They were all in love and shit and I got mad jealous.  I hope one day I can have a wedding too and break my dad’s one rule of “Don’t get married.”  Yea, Dad!  Did you hear that one?!  Just wait till that happens, it’s gonna fuck your whole shit up, Dad!

Anyways, these vamps know how to throw a really baller ass reception…in the dead of night, of course!  They got it all, they got tables with really nice drapery, all the vampires are dressed really nice and they even got flowers on the tables I think.  To be honest, I don’t even fuckin remember exactly.  I’m kinda talkin outta my ass right now but it was nice.

At one point Edward takes Bella off to a surprise!  He brings her to a secret meeting with Jacob…you know the werewolf dude that looks like a fuckin Alpaca.  Yea, that dude.  Bella is all like, “Oh Edward, what a great surprise!  This is the dude I’d be fuckin if you weren’t around!”  I dunno if you guys are familiar with the twilight series but there’s this sick disturbed love triangle going on between Bella, Edward and Jacob!  Jacob loves Bella but Bella loves Edward and Edward is all like “WHO DA MAN!?  NOT YOU JACOB, FUCK YOU!”   I can’t help but to think that him letting Jacob meet Bella at their wedding was just his own little jab at Jacob.  Did I mention this is pretty much a soap opera?  Every time these three are on screen together I just wanna vom due to sheer anxiety and awkwardness.

After meeting Jacob, Edward and Bella bounce off to their honeymoon.  They jump in the Audi or some other expensive car, then to a private jet, then to a private boat and then they land on a private island!  I don’t understand how the vampires are all so goddamned rich.  Is that a prerequisite to being a vampire or something?  You can’t say they inherited the money because none of their relatives are really dying anytime soon.  Fuck, I wish I was a vampire except I get queasy at the sight of blood so I dunno if I could stomach it.

They spend their honeymoon, skinny dipping, playing chess and fucking like bunnies.  Eventually Bella gets pregnant which is something that apparently isn’t supposed to happen when a vampire and a human have sex.  Either way, I just couldn’t help but wonder why Edward didn’t just use a condom.  Then again, I guess there wouldn’t be much of movie if he did because you quickly learn that the whole damn movie is about this ho getting prego!  But it ain’t no normal baby, it’s some Rosemary’s Baby shit.  She is nearly dying from the pregnancy because the baby is super powerful, growing at an incredible rate, and pretty much a freakin’ demon!

Twilight: Breaking Dawn: Part 1 is essentially one of those MTV underage pregnancy shows except with vampires and werewolves.  The whole movie is Bella getting pregnant and everyone else trying to get her to abort it.  Edward even sends Jacob in to try and reason with her.  He’s all like “Now listen bitch, this baby is gonna kill you!  You won’t live to see it!” and she’s all like “This is my baby and it’s my body and it ain’t nobody else’s goddamn decision!”

At one point, I just sat there wondering, “Why the fuck am I here?”  I’m sitting alone in a theater all by myself, with a bag of cheez-its, watching a werewolf and a bunch of vampires try and convince this girl to abort her baby.  I could be anywhere else in the world, doing anything else but here I am.  Eating Cheez-it after Cheez-it, I just keep hoping that this poor girl will just abort this demon baby.

No “coupon code” needed.  Everything will be reduced 20% in the webstore!  Have a great Thanksgiving and an even better Thanksgiving Eve!  We may just do this sale a bit earlier, follow us on twitter @OnlyOnes to find out.